Notes at the game

It’s just so disheartening to see you in all your comfort and leisure picking on a thing that’s fragile and unsure of itself.

You could have chosen to go the other direction but you picked on her, him?

Were you aware about the intricacies of reality around them? Had life also treated you the same or had you the privilege to suckle on the teats of abundance a bit tad bit too long?

In this time of rife, trials and tribulations, both personal and otherwise came to the fore. It was just a virus but it could be anything, a war or even an asteroid. Challenges result from inadequacies boiling over, both individual and us as a people.

If I was accepted

I recently was watching Geo Hotz talk about content on the internet and he talked about all the “masturbatory garbage” that one could find all around the internet. That made me curious. How much of the stuff I wrote on my blog could fall into that category. So, I went to look at my past few posts and found that not much of it was click-baity / come follow me / now you can subscribe to my newsletter. That is a good thing. Perhaps, my content isn’t good enough or perhaps the fact that I’m afraid of the retribution I would face for my content. At any rate, I’ll start to link more of my thoughts to the content I write. It will still be error prone, it just will be more publicized. No, I’m still not making it my source of livelihood. Not yet. I don’t think the value i’m providing is condensed and structured very well.

I’m now completely engaged in my work for the next few weeks. I prepared quite well for an interview that I was slated to appear for but I didn’t make it through the third round. For a brief time it did re-inforce the lack of self belief and the belief that I lack creativity but a few gym sessions, some self-talk and I was back at it again. If i was accepted I would feel great about the position but I wasn’t. Now I feel like probably they didn’t deserve me. The truth is however somewhere in the middle. They probably needed someone more skilled that me and I can probably be better off at a company where I’m more intellectually challenged than I would have been at that role. In all fairness it was more about the necessity to be near mother than the need for a better role. Even if I’m not stretched in my current position, I can still use the resources and the opportunities all around me to make good of my time here and with the opportunities that come my way by virtue of my being present here in the United States, which despite its challenges provides some opportunities.

A completed interview, an open opportunity, and expectations from the future. Image courtesy: Daniel McCullough

In general if I was to look back at my recent past I would say the universe has been very kind to me. I was not always the person who would always stretch himself all the time. The universe in its infinite chaos has shown me some direction. In all fairness it was probably just me trying to make order out of chaos because that’s what we like to do as human beings. That is usually the most productive output of our flow states. Some semblance of meaning, order, an antithesis to chaos. In the interview I talked about above, I could probably have prepared better, but the distraction of the chaos was too much. I wasn’t able to take control of my senses and focus on the tasks at hand. It was a hard fought battle and at the end I could say that I lost the battle but I won’t say that I lost the war. I learned some hard lessons and I’ll try again. It would be a waste if I didn’t learn anything from my failure. But learn I did. There’s a battle when I’m infront of the PC and in a conversation all the time. All. The. Time. So, no, the battle might be lost but the war is not over.

If I would have been accepted there were some costs attached to it. There always are and it’s just a matter of doing the due diligence to understand the alternatives and the costs associated. Now I need to make sure that I take my gratitude for everything I have been provided with and work hard to provide value. There are people who are not as fortunate as I am and there are those among them who might need assistance to understand and navigate the various choice in life. I will endeavor to provide direction. Whether it’s creating content or just making sure I revert to people who reach out to me about suggestions for courses in undergraduate or graduate courses. Currently I’m engaged in a niche area of economics that focuses on pricing and commercialization. I’m sure there are people and groups out there who need my assistance or avenues where I can add value.

Breathe… again

The flustered mind cannot comprehend right from wrong. It also cannot distinguish fear, anger and it doesn’t know what to do, so it looks to flight or fight. The breath brings oxygen to the blood, which then takes it to those different parts of the body that are in need of some more oxygen. Not just the default amount that they are receiving from the involuntary breathing.
There will always be factors to which you can attribute your failure or mishap but hesitate before you do that. It’s easy to look at other’s faults because in comparison when you’re looking at your own fault somewhere you know what is true and not. Even if you lie publicly with all the confidence you can muster up, somewhere in your heart of hearts you know that you’re obscuring facts or extrapolating facts and that’s the reason that it just a tad bit harder to look at yourself with all your faults and merits. This is why you should not look at others faults but your own first because you know the most true picture about yourself. That way you’ll be true to the failure and not exaggerate the successes where you might just tend do that for other people.
Understand the reasons for whatever is happening around you. Don’t just judge the book by looking at its cover. Go over the details and split hair. Try to understand the premise of arguments and their logical flow. Look at actions and why people do whatever it is that they do. After you’ve looked at the gaping holes in your logic or your way of doing things, it’s time to patch those holes. Try to imagine what the consequences would have been like if you had not done things the way you did them. Incorporate the fixes into the imaginary scenario and look at how things would have been different in your mind’s eye. Yes, things could still have gone wrong but imagine if they would have gone wrong. Every time you’re successful in undertakings things can go wrong but they don’t and you’re successful. Similarly imagine this scenario in your head with the changes that you made in your approach and imagine that things don’t go wrong. Once you’ve run this scenario in your head. Re-run the scenario again. Try to understand what led you to take the missteps that you took. Then breathe… again. Did you assume things would go alright before you broke the situation down into it’s elements? Did you miss taking notes during the meeting? Did you oversimplify the complexity in a situation? Did you not account for variables that were present in the situation? Revisit the situation and understand what made you take those missteps. After you’ve understood the reason behind the failure and understood what lay behind those reason you have effectively broken down the problem.
You are human though and the beauty is that you can incorporate learning from this error into your future undertakings. Every error and failure is a learning mistake. You can and should learn from it. You can adjust and create a new learned behavior that will make you more careful, more resilient, more understanding, less irritable under stress and more successful in your future undertakings.

Love and Peace,