If I was to write anything about my experience with the latest events it would probably be a mind fuck.
I’ve tried to get out of the funk because of the recent events but I think it was helpful because I was getting too comfortable.
I don’t exactly know how to evaluate my options. Sometimes it seems like there are so many options in front of me and other times it feels like I should just hit the eject button and escape it all.
I’m not particularly depressed but I tend to lose my motivation to keep going too quickly at times. Perhaps it would be easier if there was an element of performance in this whole thing. Unfortunately or fortunately there isn’t.
I have experienced many things in my life and while I don’t think I have seen true suffering the variance of experience has made me think about things. My experiences have taught me about culture and the different strands of events that impact people’s lives.
I don’t know if this does it for everyone but the more experience you have the more you start to question the relevance of things. Or things might go the opposite. You might revere society and its ways to such an extent that living a certain way becomes important. However, it has left me disinterested in people’s so-called “motivations”. I think they are just stories that they tell themselves to carry on. At the very core of it all, there’s the desperation to understand what it is that one is doing here. Are these the first inklings of a mid-life crisis?
In all this thinking about things, I have learned to wait for more data. I have learned to hold strong opinions loosely. I know that certainty about any subject can lead to misunderstanding and confusion about the subject overall. Hence what is required is more thinking. Thinking about things deeply perhaps at times brings us to the conclusion that those things don’t matter but you have to think about them. Of course, it is important what you choose you want to think about.