If I was accepted

I recently was watching Geo Hotz talk about content on the internet and he talked about all the “masturbatory garbage” that one could find all around the internet. That made me curious. How much of the stuff I wrote on my blog could fall into that category. So, I went to look at my past few posts and found that not much of it was click-baity / come follow me / now you can subscribe to my newsletter. That is a good thing. Perhaps, my content isn’t good enough or perhaps the fact that I’m afraid of the retribution I would face for my content. At any rate, I’ll start to link more of my thoughts to the content I write. It will still be error prone, it just will be more publicized. No, I’m still not making it my source of livelihood. Not yet. I don’t think the value i’m providing is condensed and structured very well.

I’m now completely engaged in my work for the next few weeks. I prepared quite well for an interview that I was slated to appear for but I didn’t make it through the third round. For a brief time it did re-inforce the lack of self belief and the belief that I lack creativity but a few gym sessions, some self-talk and I was back at it again. If i was accepted I would feel great about the position but I wasn’t. Now I feel like probably they didn’t deserve me. The truth is however somewhere in the middle. They probably needed someone more skilled that me and I can probably be better off at a company where I’m more intellectually challenged than I would have been at that role. In all fairness it was more about the necessity to be near mother than the need for a better role. Even if I’m not stretched in my current position, I can still use the resources and the opportunities all around me to make good of my time here and with the opportunities that come my way by virtue of my being present here in the United States, which despite its challenges provides some opportunities.

A completed interview, an open opportunity, and expectations from the future. Image courtesy: Daniel McCullough

In general if I was to look back at my recent past I would say the universe has been very kind to me. I was not always the person who would always stretch himself all the time. The universe in its infinite chaos has shown me some direction. In all fairness it was probably just me trying to make order out of chaos because that’s what we like to do as human beings. That is usually the most productive output of our flow states. Some semblance of meaning, order, an antithesis to chaos. In the interview I talked about above, I could probably have prepared better, but the distraction of the chaos was too much. I wasn’t able to take control of my senses and focus on the tasks at hand. It was a hard fought battle and at the end I could say that I lost the battle but I won’t say that I lost the war. I learned some hard lessons and I’ll try again. It would be a waste if I didn’t learn anything from my failure. But learn I did. There’s a battle when I’m infront of the PC and in a conversation all the time. All. The. Time. So, no, the battle might be lost but the war is not over.

If I would have been accepted there were some costs attached to it. There always are and it’s just a matter of doing the due diligence to understand the alternatives and the costs associated. Now I need to make sure that I take my gratitude for everything I have been provided with and work hard to provide value. There are people who are not as fortunate as I am and there are those among them who might need assistance to understand and navigate the various choice in life. I will endeavor to provide direction. Whether it’s creating content or just making sure I revert to people who reach out to me about suggestions for courses in undergraduate or graduate courses. Currently I’m engaged in a niche area of economics that focuses on pricing and commercialization. I’m sure there are people and groups out there who need my assistance or avenues where I can add value.

Let us converse about this beautiful and insane life!

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